This isn't my first blog. I actually have somewhat of a blog creation problem. I keep creating new blogs, only to cold-heartedly abandon the poor things without ever really fully fleshing them out. The process goes something like this:
- I remember that I like writing and that I want to be an awesome internet sensation or something
- I spend weeks agonizing over a blog name
- I find out my chosen blog name is taken and spend another week agonizing over a new name.
- After finally settling on a name I create my blog and spend another week obsessing over font and blog layout elements
- It's time to start some actual writing, but by now I have realized that I'm too busy *cough lazy* to be an internet sensation. I've used up all of my energy in creating the blog and have nothing left to give to the actual writing, posting, and maintenance.
- I write a few half-hearted posts thinking that this will get me excited and back in the mood.
- I remember that I don't actually like people reading my stuff so I don't share my posts with anyone.
- I decide I hate my blog name as well as whatever theme or direction I have chosen for my blog.
- I start brainstorming new blog ideas but feel guilty because this blog is fairly new.
- I find something to binge watch on Netflix so I don't have to think about my poor neglected, unloved blog. It works! I haven't even thought about posting anything in months!
- I remember that I like writing and that I want to be an awesome internet sensation or something.
Looking back at this old post, I find it equal parts enlightening, embarrassing, and humorous.
It has certainly been a while since I've worked my way through this cycle; and yet here I am returning to blogging after recently rekindling my desire to write. I am happy to see evidence of my growth and maturity, as evidenced by my not creating a new blog for this most recent endeavor.
I'm embarrassed to think that I ever held delusions that my writing could become an internet sensation. I certainly no longer have any similar desires. I feel like right now I really only want to write for myself - because I need a creative and mentally stimulating activity for my own well-being. I'm sure that I won't keep my musings here entirely to myself (I lose motivation far to easily when left up to my own devices), but I don't feel the need to write for any kind of specific audience. It's freeing to know I won't be judged by anything other than my own crippling perfectionism (or maybe that's the worst audience of all).
If I'm writing for only myself, why then am I returning to a blog? It seems like the right medium for the headspace I'm in right now. I've spend the last few days attempting to engage in some creative / fictional wiring. I've failed miserably (there's that crippling perfectionism, rearing its ugly head again). It's been a long time since I've put any effort into writing anything. I suppose it makes sense to start with something that comes more easily to me.
Who knows, maybe somewhere along the way I'll become an internet sensation.
It has certainly been a while since I've worked my way through this cycle; and yet here I am returning to blogging after recently rekindling my desire to write. I am happy to see evidence of my growth and maturity, as evidenced by my not creating a new blog for this most recent endeavor.
I'm embarrassed to think that I ever held delusions that my writing could become an internet sensation. I certainly no longer have any similar desires. I feel like right now I really only want to write for myself - because I need a creative and mentally stimulating activity for my own well-being. I'm sure that I won't keep my musings here entirely to myself (I lose motivation far to easily when left up to my own devices), but I don't feel the need to write for any kind of specific audience. It's freeing to know I won't be judged by anything other than my own crippling perfectionism (or maybe that's the worst audience of all).
If I'm writing for only myself, why then am I returning to a blog? It seems like the right medium for the headspace I'm in right now. I've spend the last few days attempting to engage in some creative / fictional wiring. I've failed miserably (there's that crippling perfectionism, rearing its ugly head again). It's been a long time since I've put any effort into writing anything. I suppose it makes sense to start with something that comes more easily to me.
Who knows, maybe somewhere along the way I'll become an internet sensation.
